Stuck in a hoodie with a sucker in hand

What is it called when you have so many things to do – both those things that you must do and those things that you actually want to do – and yet you do .. nothing? Avolition seems severe. ADHD paralysis? Executive disfunction? Depression? Menopause? Low dopamine? Tiredness? Plain ol’ laziness?

Well, whatever it is, I’m afflicted. It comes and goes in waves. The past two weekends, I have done.. nothing.. nothing I wanted to do and nothing I needed to do. I have been a shallowly breathing blob of carbon-based tissue.

My mood has ranged from unremarkably level, to irrationally irritated, to down-right down-in-the-dumps. I’m exhausted for seemingly no reason. Nothing is appealing. Nothing is stimulating. Nothing is inspiring. I want to do things, I have the time to do things, but I am a blobby, unmoving, mess.

There is lots of advice out there for lack of motivation. Meditate, exercise, listen to motivational talks, surround yourself with motivated people, break tasks into tiny steps, make tasks fun! Uh yeah.. but I can’t even be bothered to trudge to the kitchen to refill my water bottle. Everything feels like a hurdle. Everything is frustrating on the level of a 3 year old, stuck in their hoodie, with a sucker in hand that they absolutely won’t let go of.

The only way that I know to get through times like this is to go through times like this. Be a mess. Be sad. Be grumpy. Stare aimlessly into space. Just leave the hoodie on. Pick the fuzz off the sucker (or don’t). Sleep. Wait for the rain to pass (it will). Be okay. Give grace and know that all those things will be done another day. When I can.

It took me 5 days to blurst this. That’s how low energy I have been. And it’s being finalized on a Monday, on a rare lunch break, at work. Don’t judge. I’m not. There’s another weekend coming up!